ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
