If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
