Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
