I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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