we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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