u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
