Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
