im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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