If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
