dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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