After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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