I just pynch a tree in the face
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
