As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
