First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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