you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
