No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
