everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
