Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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