weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
