I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
