I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
