I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
