Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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