Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
