Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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