Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
