I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
