my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
