apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
