If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
