I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
