Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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