Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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