well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
