My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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