she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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