I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
