Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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