Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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