Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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