Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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