Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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