Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
