I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Four minutes until I can fart!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
