omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
