i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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