Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
