I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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