Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
