Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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