I think I won the penis lottery.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
