Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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