I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
