you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize