giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
