im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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