Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
