I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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