my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
