How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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