I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
