He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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