it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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