Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
