Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
