he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
