ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
