Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
