I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
