C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
