True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
