I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
