Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
