You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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