Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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