I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
