As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
