Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
