So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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