I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
