I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
