he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
