when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
