I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dignity is for republicans.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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