shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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