so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
