Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
