I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
