just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
