I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
