I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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