Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
