my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
