He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
