It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
