I am in a vortex of obligation.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
