Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
false alarm, still single
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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