How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
