Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
