bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
