I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
