Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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