some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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