hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
