Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Drake has all the answers
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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