You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
