brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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