Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
