You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
