Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
