Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We are all done wearing pants today
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
