Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize