I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
