either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
