dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
