Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
