I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
