so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
